Love Yourself First

 

So this is something that has been on my mind. I posted this on Facebook yesterday. I was good and irritated about some things and I really felt the need to say something. I hope that someone will get something out of this. Women put themselves through too much. Enough is enough!! We need to share our stories to help others. We’re all going through or have been through difficult situations. Let’s start with ourselves…

Ok…. I needa say some things. A dose of realness for you. There’s so much more I wanna say… but soon come.

Now some of these things I have been guilty of and I am going to try my hardest to make better choices.

Ladies….we need to do better.

There will be times when we give men the husband benefits for example. STOP IT. Not all men are deserving of this. Just like not all women are deserving of wifey benefits.

I’m not talking about just sex either. I’m talking about cooking, cleaning, paying bills, they’re using our transport, buying them clothes, toiletries etc.Taking care of their kids. THEIR kids(Yes it takes a village but his name is MAN and he needs to do his part). Getting mad when they are hollering at other chicks. Getting mad when they don’t wife us up. Getting mad because we don’t have a title. Getting mad when they do us wrong. Getting mad at the OTHER chick(s). BUT WE STAY…. AND GIVE THEM EVEN MOREEEEEE!!!

Now this isn’t about bashing men.

This is about WOMEN recognizing their worth. We need to stop giving them our all when they are not even giving us a sample of what we deserve. Shoot, we don’t even get the title of girlfriend sometimes, but we are letting them get drunk off of the sweet fruits of our bodies and feeding them steak and lobster off our dime.

Especially stop giving up the Jewel of the Nile. When you have sex, you open up yourself to a whollllllle lot of things. Sex f&@ks with your mind. Pun intended. When sex comes into play, ladies…. you know we take it to the next level. So do yourselves a favour and just hold off.

Now ladies….WE DO NOT NEED MEN TO VALIDATE US. We carry babies. PLURAL. A BABY comes out of our vaginas. If not they cut the baby out. We go through ALLLLLL of that. WE BLEED for ‘x’ amount of days and we don’t die. That isn’t enough validation for you???

Listen here QUEENS. STOP, DROP and ROLL AWAY from that situationship. Yes. That situationship. If you’re wondering ‘what we are’ RUN. If you are in a situationship that is going past 1 year. RUNNNNNNNNN. People know what they want faster than they let on. Humans are very intelligent. We will do what we are allowed to do for as longgggggggg as possible. Especially when there are no consequences.

We teach our kids about consequences when they do wrong, but when it comes to that guy giving you that good ting a ling..who is messing with 2 other chicks and we go broke for…. what we do??? REWARD BAD BEHAVIOUR. LOLLLLLLL and we think he stays because he loves us. Of course he stays!! He stays because he gets away with F@#%y.

Start loving yourselves QUEENS… and to the guys that take advantage.

Karma is a female. She’s got you covered. *Smooches

I can say all this because I have done it. Trusssssssst me.

Stop giving them the sweet fruits of your body. They don’t deserve it. They haven’t earned it.

You can’t even put a value on your temple.

There is no amount that could ever define how exquisite a woman is.

How exquisite her mind is.

How exquisite how body is.

ESPECIALLY when she loves herself and knows her worth.

Ladies….. we need to do better. Love yourselves. Our sons and daughters are watching.

But wait….To the older women and men. You need to set an example as well. You are JUST as responsible. We have learned some of these things from you. We have all heard the stories bout Uncle having 5 outside kids with ace gurl up de country. While Aunty was home tending to dem 10 kids and only 5 of them were hers. Kermit been sipping tea for a min, so don’t be downing the younger ladies and men, when you haven’t been held accountable for not loving yourselves either.

Now imma just gently rest my mic down and skip away.

#Peaceloveandcoconutoil
xo

 

 

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I Choose To Wait



” But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

I now understand this, and this is to my Queens especially! It took a very recent heartbreak and the emotional pain that goes with it, to finally comprehend what it means to ‘wait on the Lord’. I’m not sure I even realized how much pain I was in. I wasn’t dealing with it. I didn’t know how to. I just had a baby. I just wanted to work things out with my daughter’s dad, as most women do. But it wasn’t meant to be. Now that wasn’t the heartbreaking part. It was certain things that happened after I made the decision to walk away from the ‘situationship’. I won’t get into any details, but I realise now I should have made better choices at the end of the day. I should have waited on the Lord. I’m such a patient person, just at the wrong times, for the wrong things and people.

For the last 17 years I have not been single though. SEVENTEEN YEARS!!! I’m now 34 and this coming December I will be 35. So yeah, it took me a while, but I now get it. Oh, and it’s not like no one hasn’t gave me good advice and told me to enjoy my own company, be by myself and enjoy my space. A guy actually first told me that! Some of the best advice I’ve ever been given.

The longest relationship I’ve been in was about 9-10 years on and off in total. That relationship should have probably ended sooner rather than later, but so it goes. Then with my daughter’s dad, that was on and off for 5 years.  That should have ended years ago, but silly me, I said nahhhh. I can change him. He’ll give me what I want if I show him I’m a prize. If I put in the work he’ll come around. Well slap me silly because I definitely wasn’t showing him I was a prize. I thought I was, at first anyway, but I had some growing up to do. I was moaning about his behaviour but never held myself accountable for mine. I chased him and never let him chase me. But as it goes, I’ve done my pack and made silly choices and mistakes in life. Not everyone has, lucky them, but for me, it has helped me to grow.  I remember a friend of mine (a male) told me to humble myself and maybe try dating a different fella from what I’d been accustomed to. Do you know my silly self got mad?? He was right though!! Thank God for hindsight because gee wiz.  I honestly thought I had it all together (lol) and I definitely didn’t. I mean we’re imperfect creatures, but same time, I wanted someone to change and didn’t realise the changes needed to come from within first and foremost.

See, I’m the type that falls hard and fast when I’m really interested in the person.  I clearly would fall for the wrong ones and not get a commitment. It was always ‘bad timing’. That’s what happens when we don’t wait on the Lord’s timing. I wanted a committed relationship so so badly though, and of course I sought attention from the wrong ones. It’s what females do at some point in their lives.  I guess I was looking for love, I’m not sure though…but what’s done is done.

A guy I was cool with once told me if I had my dad in my life I wouldn’t have made certain decisions. This guy just happened to stalk me so I didn’t pay him much mind, but I do think his comment holds some weight.  However thanks be to Jah, my dad and I have a great relationship now!! I feel my daughter is the reason for that too. I had to wait a while, but I got my daddy and heck if I’m letting go! I even see that my standards have changed. My dad gives me that much needed insight and I am so grateful for that.

So anywho, I say all that because I now understand. Wait on the Lord!!  Even if you’re not religious/spiritual, just wait.  When it comes to relationships and getting involved with people, Queens, you know we do stupid things at times. We make silly choices that are not in our favour!! We will wait on a man that has no intention of marriage or doesn’t even commit to being a boyfriend!! Kudos to the Queens that don’t have these issues, however a lot of us do. We really need to take a step back and reevaluate our lives and the choices we make. We deserve so much more but settle for less and in turn break our own hearts. We must look within but at the same time we cannot beat ourselves up. It’s OK to walk away. It’s OK to let go.

For me it has taken heartache. That gut wrenching heartache where it hurts so bad you are too afraid to ever love again. You cry out to the Lord to make it stop. You lose sleep, you don’t eat or you wonder why you’re not good enough and so on. I’m not even trying to be dramatic either. I just know I’m not the only one that’s gone/going through this. I’m so afraid of another broken heart, I really and truly am.  I don’t know how long it’ll take, but it will have to take divine intervention for me to even consider trying that thing called love again. So waiting on the Lord it is. Recognizing that enough is really enough and recognizing my worth has helped. I had to recognize it was time to heal; time to have that peace of mind. My peace of mind is very valuable to me now and I will protect it. I have to make wiser decisions going forward. Not only for myself but for my daughter’s benefit.

I have my daughter and I am very happy and content with it just being the two of us, so it’s definitely time that I wait on Him. It’s time I trust in Him. The Lord will bring someone my way when I’m ready. I just need to heal, be happy in my own skin and enjoy life. Live the life I love, as my ace gurl always says. I know now that I don’t need a man to make me happy or complete me. He should complement me. Someone that is equally yoked. I have my daughter and she’s all I need. Yes, I would love to get married one day, but that’ll come in time, when the Lord knows I’m ready. When He knows I can be a great wife to someone as well. If it doesn’t, that’s OK too, but I still choose to wait.

 

 

Milah ♥